my problem is

consistently dealing with people on the assumption that they will behave honourably, and speak honestly, and do so with sincere love in their hearts.

especially in the corporate world. where integrity is a joke, an actual joke, between business people. something they actually stand around the coffee maker and laugh at. integrity? and business? haha!

like i'm naive.

but i'm not.

i'm just honourable, myself, so it's difficult to wrap my head around being dishonourable. because dishonour is such a stain on your self, your soul. i am disgusted in myself only when i bring dishonour to myself. so i try in everything that i do, in every interaction, to the best of my abilities, to act with honour. so i don't hate myself. so i am not ashamed of myself.

so when people are dishonourable, i'm not offended so much as shocked. how could someone have that much disrespect for themselves?! doesn't their dishonour make them sick to their stomachs, and pain their chests, the way it does to me? don't they feel disgust in themselves? where does their moral core come from? in what direction does their moral compass spin? do they even have a moral compass?!

shame. and honour. and integrity. why are these things so important to me, but not to others?

is my brain all funky? some neural synapses going off that maybe shouldn't? am i the one with the damaged core, for being too sensitive, for caring too much? or is it the others, is it them who're damaged? those who cannot love others unconditionally? who have to be lead to love others rather than feeling that spark within the core of themselves, for themselves?

is the average person truly that unaware of their own tiny fire, begging to be flamed?

does the average person really need to be led by the nose and taught what's right?

because, as much as i hate to admit it...

sometimes..

i think they do.

maybe humans were meant to be led.

like packs of wolves.